compiled by Paul Dickens (featured on a well-used coffee mug)

If you do a job twice, it’s yours.
The person who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
Einstein’s Three Rules of Work:
1. Out of clutter find simplicity
2. From discord make harmony
3. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity
Upward-Mobility Rule: Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
First Law of Corporate Survival: Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back.
Captain Jack’s Viewpoint: If you are good you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you’ll get out of it.
Kovaleski’s Dictum: If credit can possibly go to someone else, it will.
The Worker’s Dilemmas, or the Management’s Put-Down Laws:
1. No matter how much you do, you’ll never do enough.
2. What you don’t do is always more important than what you do do.
Clare Booth Luce’s Law: No good deed will go unpunished.
Zimmerman’s Law of Complaints: Nobody notices when things go right.
Dyer’s Law: A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.
Corcoran’s Law of Packrattery: All files, papers, memos, etc that you save will never be needed until such time as they are disposed of, then they will become essential and indispensable.
Hall’s Observations:
1. The word necessary seldom is.
2. Most business decisions are based on one critical factor: which method will cause the least paperwork.
Macpherson’s Working Formula: The number of interruptions recevied during a work period is proportionate to the square of employees occupying an office. Thus, one person in an office equals one interruption per hour; two in an office equals four interruptions per hour; three people equals nine per hour, etc.
Sharon’s Law of the Living Dead: If you think the dead don’t come back to life, you should be here at quitting time.

Cubicle lighting is probably the worst in the world! Unfortunately, lighting is one of the most important sensory stimulators or depressors – depending on the type you are using. Many cubicles are host to the extremely impersonal industrial flourescent lighting. If employers knew what was best for them, they would immediately remove the bulbs and replace them with practical but nice desk lamps. Creating a comfortable and inviting environment through warm lighting will result in happy employees.

State your case for new and improved lighting to ensure improved performance but if your employer does not see your point, these desk lamps are affordable and will be useful long after you have left the cubicle zoo behind.

Most likely employers do not realize that dimly lit or dark areas creates the perfect environment for sleepiness. Adding practical lighting solutions to the workspace would be more profitable in the long run. If you don’t mind your impersonal cubicle lighting but would like to add some personality to your workspace, you are like me and want to have something totally different from everyone else. The unique cubicle mate that everyone else is intrigued about and stops by to see what’s new in your cube. These unique desk lamps are just the right touch for you and your cubicle to make it yours! They will create the perfect look… and provide some extra light.

Those of you who are fortunate to actually have an office, floor lamps as well as table lamps are a nice welcoming touch especially if you have the pleasure of hosting clients on a regular basis.

Go light up your corner of the world and before you know it, you’ll be zapping all the happy moths attracted to your cubicle!

In the spirit of the Winter Olympic Games we have chosen this fun video of chair curling to enjoy! Maybe you’ll understand the strategy of the game after this interesting interpretation. If nothing else, it is amusing to watch the one girl trying to work while the others roll chairs towards her in their pursuit for the “gold”!

Get your curling souvenirs here!

What is the worst smell you’ve had to inhale while minding your own business in the Cubicle Zoo?
I have compiled a list of the 10 worst smells that have been dealt with in companies around the world. Feel free to add your comments about what you have experienced.

 
1. lotion smells – these also are not bad across the board but sometimes when you are not expecting it, and slowly a floral or baby fresh smell comes wafting over the cubicle wall, yeah, it can cause one to gag – ever so briefly.
2. perfume smells – there is always that one man or woman whose nose is plugged and does not know the power of their own scent. They must get paid better than you though if they can afford to use half of the bottle every morning!
3. food smells – generally, these are not considered bad smells until you get the person who brings their reheated split pea soup back to their desk. or a ham and cheese hot pocket.
4. coffee & other drink smells – I cannot imagine anyone not appreciating the smell of a good cuppa joe; however, I’m sure someone qualifies for this role – there’s always one in a crowd. In addition, there are so many new (and old) “green” drinks (think barley grass and juicer style drinks)that have interesting odors accompanying them that they are cause for concern.
5. stinky feet – have you ever had a cubicle mate who takes their shoes off? Every chance they get??? This is not a bad thing as most people would not even notice them doing this. However, stinky feet have a way of spreading their charm ever so subtly and before you know it, your nose has been violated.
6. equipment smells – it always bites when you are typing along or on the phone and suddenly, you smell a plastic or metal burning smell. Never a good sign. Those odors linger for a long time so that makes it even more miserable.
7. BO smells – unfortunately, in this modern world, there are still folks who do not make proper personal hygiene a priority in their lives. And their cubicle mates suffer. This type of smell lingers all day – unlike the above smells which eventually dissipate, providing relief.
8. moth ball smells – I do not know of too many of the under 40 crowd that would fall into this category but one smell I cannot abide is… moth balls. Most of our grandparents and maybe some of our parents used them to ward off the demise of their clothes but the smell! Apparently, moth balls also deter snakes and are used around house foundations to keep snakes at bay. THAT should tell you something about why not to use them when storing your clothes. I don’t know if the smell lingers in clothes even after being washed or if people just don’t wash their clothes after storing them in moth balls but whenever I get a whiff of them as people pass me by, I almost gag.
9. bodily function smells – you knew this one was coming! Being at the receiving end or down-wind of this smell is disgusting as you all know. Nuff’ said.
10. Air freshener smells – it’s crazy but sometimes trying to mask another smell brings out the air fresheners. All air fresheners are NOT created equal. And all scents are not fragrant. Many of them stink.

And so, evaluate your own smell spectrum and determine if you have violated any of the above on any level. Keep your fellow cubicle mates in mind and have mercy on them the next time you want to eat lunch at your desk.   or take your shoes off. or let one go. or moisturize your hands. or refresh your perfume. or store your clothes in moth balls.

thanks.

When one spends the majority of their life in a particular place, it is important that they feel comfortable and at home in this space. For some, it can be as simple as bringing in a few photos from home while for others, it can grow into rolling out a rug or potting a plant or two.